2011: The Year of Letting Go

December 21st, 2010

I tend to get introspective during the Holidays. It’s natural. The end of a year invites reflection both about the time gone by and what’s to come. The truth is that this annual reflection can be a bit daunting, as I tend to spend way too much time in my head anyway. Adding more focused intensity to my day-to-day (over) thought-process is enough to make my head explode (not to mention what it does to those around me!).

The end of 2010 feels different, however. Instead of focusing on and analyzing everything (and, I should note that this focus doesn’t always only include what’s happened in the last year, but can include all kinds of events, people, etc., from years and years before), it has become clear that it’s simply time to let go.

There is so much crap muddled in my head that my ability to simply make the right decisions sometimes gets marginalized. There are a number of people who I believe have wronged me – mostly professionally – and I’ve let their actions weigh heavily on whether or not I can feel proud of the achievements that I have been fortunate enough to be part of. I can’t begin to explain how dramatically (and often) spite has dictated my own actions. And, frankly, spite is not a very good friend. It’s a first cousin of hate, or more simply, as my 5-year old would tell me, “It’s on the dark side.”

Shining the light inward, as well, there are also those (too many, perhaps), whom I have “wronged” in some way. Professionally and personally. The truth is that these people and what I may have done (or have perceived to have done) to them are also a big part of my annual mental burden. And it goes way, way back. I may still beat myself up for personal, hurtful mistakes I made two, three, five years ago. Or 10. Instead of spite driving the feelings, it’s guilt, which toes the line between the light and dark sides. Guilt is rooted in good (sometimes), I think, as we feel badly for actions and wish that we had done better. That’s good, in a way. But the result is very, very dark.

I know I’m not alone in this. I know many of us have had professional experiences that have left us filled with anger. We’ve all had personal hurts that have left us feeling unable to cope. Or, we’ve hurt someone and we take the bad feelings with us for years and years. Enough with the spite. Enough with the guilt. Enough with all the judgment that fills so much of our being. It’s time to just let go. We all have baggage. But, we let that baggage interrupt so much good. We hang on to that baggage so tightly that we can’t even see that we’ve lost all feeling in our fingers. Or worse. In our hearts and souls.

As the New Year rings in, I’m not making any resolutions about getting my finances in order or getting in shape. Instead, I think it’s time to take a far more sweeping approach and…let go. Let go of any damage that I’ve done. And, let go of whatever damage I think has been done to me (which…in retrospect…is probably nothing and certainly not worth all the attention I’ve given it). I’ve probably done more damage worrying about these old events than the events themselves originally did.

Spite, guilt, judgment and fear simply keep us from living the most fulfilled life. They keep us from exploring, trying, daring and even loving. So often, they keep us from doing what we want to do. While spite, in particular, seems like a motivator, it’s really just the opposite. It doesn’t provide a spark for potential greatness, it really actually creates a pool filled with blame and excuses.

Not that athletes are the world’s greatest role models these days, but I always remember the guys who aren’t drafted as highly as they expected. When they’re asked if they will use that as motivation, the very best ones say, “No. I’m happy to be where I am and my job now is just to be the best I can be.” No spite. Let the chips fall and lets go play. They let go immediately.

I came to this realization that it was time to let go in the midst of a particularly intense session on the rowing machine. I find that working out is the best time for reflection. My best ideas come while running, rowing, walking, or hiking. What was amazing about this discovery to let go is that my workout sucked. And, as soon as I thought, “It’s time to let go,” I had the most intense workout that I can remember. It was so loose. Free. Because “letting go” is all about the light side. It’s not related to hate; it’s all about love…and possibility.

So, as the year comes to a close – I offer this to those whom I have kept close to me so that I could prove something to you, doing things “in spite of you:” Goodbye. It’s time for you to go. I genuinely wish you the best of luck. And to those to whom I have done the same: I’m sorry. Genuinely. But I also need to say goodbye to you. I can’t worry anymore. I need to unpack!

I wish you all a very Happy New Year. Enjoy 2011: The Year of Letting Go.